Devan + Emily

Are you trying to kill me? (time to change)

2012-01-24T10:01:00.000-08:00

First day of September 2011 I was told to meet at Gold's Gym on Van Winkle, Salt Lake and wear my gym clothes because I would be doing a workout and weigh-in pictures. From the last post, you know that I weighed 392 lbs and I was in terrible shape. I met my competitors and team and thought, "All of these guys weigh less than me, so I need to work extra hard to beat them." My first initial thought was it will be cool to start doing an elliptical for a nice workout. Nope, I was so wrong.

The workout was a quarter mile run (there and back) with a 25 lb weight over our heads, then another quarter mile no weights, 25 lbs in left hand, then no weights, then right hand, carrying the weight with elbows bent, then no weight and it ended. The run consisted of us going from one of the Gold's Gym Parking lot to the next. This was such a terrible workout and it was outside in 85 degree weather. The distance was a killer. A lot of the time I ended up just stopping in the shade and trying to breathe. I thought I was going to pass out and die. It took me 55 minutes to do that workout, and other people took about thirty. I honestly thought they were trying to kill me in the middle of that workout; I did not think I could complete it, but I did. I had my team cheering for me and had Emily there for support too. I had quit diets, workouts, exercising, eating right all my life but I was not going to quit on this. My confidence in myself was not as high because I knew I could do better. After completing this workout, I realized that I could do more than I believed I could. I realized I could change.

I met with my trainer Preston a few days after that initial workout and we laid out a plan. The first goal: I needed to know what I was eating and track it all. I would encourage everyone to do this. This was a huge wake up call. I have an Android phone so I downloaded an app. I found I liked Calorie Counter because it is free and you can use the camera as a bar code scanner for your food very easily. My Fitness Pal is good, too. Preston started me off on a few goals a week and if I completed it then he would have me move on to a new goal. The early goals were: no soda, only drinking water; weight training 30 minutes a day; cardio for 30 minutes daily; get the body moving every day; stay under 35 grams of fat; then heart rate goals to get my heart rate to a certain target level while exercising. Each week the goals changed as I achieved them, but the principles stayed the same. Each week Preston would teach me new workouts and I was getting a huge education on fitness, health, and living better. After a few weeks, I felt like a new person. Now keep in mind, I was working out 6-7 days a week and did not have too many days off during the 12weeks of competition. I wanted to change and was willing to do whatever it took.

I don't want to prolong this story too much and realized it could keep going on but I need at least a couple more blog posts to tell it. I also want to detail, in the future, what influenced me to not stay motivated, what to do when you are about to give up. Building a network of supportive people helps, as does getting an education on being healthy.

Here are some myths and truths I learned:

If I lift weights a lot I am going to look like a bodybuilder. I have been doing about 8 hours of weight lifting a week for 5 months and do not look like a competitive body builder.
If I don't eat enough I will lose weight. Now it might be possible, but I had two weeks where I was working out 2.5 hours a day and eating 1200-1500 calories a day, and I did not lose any weight. I cut back and worked out 1.5 hours a day and ate more calories and I dropped weight again. I was in starvation mode during that time because my body could not recover and I did not take in enough calories.
I wore my shoes out on the outside because I used to walk so poorly on the outside of my feet. My posture was also terrible because I walked on the side of my feet.
Could barely bench press 45 lbs when I started.
Stopped eating red meat, ate chicken and fish instead.
Stopped eating potatoes and potato chips. Ate raw carrots, fruit, oranges, apples, fiber bars, and some low salt nuts for snacks.
Stopped going out to eat at fast food and restaurants.
Stopped drinking soda, had some light lemonade a few times.
Cut out a lot of bread. One of my favorite snacks was toast loaded with butter, so sometimes I would have toast with peanut butter to get more protein.
Stopped drinking skim milk because at times I would drink half a gallon a day. I used to eat half a bag of Doritio's and half a gallon of skim milk on a Saturday. I replaced it with almond or coconut milk and now I drink lactose free milk for protein shakes I make after workouts. My sinuses have cleared up a lot and I breathe better.
Breakfasts used to be McDonald's, or fattening eggs with cheese and toast loaded with butter. I now eat plan oatmeal with fruit.
I do eat some bad foods occasionally, but I don't like hamburgers too much anymore, and I tried a hot dog a few months ago and I thought I would I was going to die because of the stomach pain. Before I used to eat 2-3 hamburgers a day and number of hot dogs. I once had 6 corn dogs with no problem.
I stopped eating Miracle Whip for the most part and now just eat mustard on my sandwiches for a condiment.

Turning Point-Weight Loss

2012-01-17T09:25:00.000-08:00

In the last post I described how I reached 400lbs. It was kind of downer of a post but really capitulated how I felt at the time. One year ago Emily and I were standing in Disneyland near Splash Mountain. She has just seen me try to ride the California Screaming roller coaster the day before but being too large I could not ride it. I was bugged because I wanted to ride it but realized it was not going to happen.

So anyway we were standing outside Splash Mountain and Emily told me that she needed to talk to me. She told me that I needed to lose weight and that she was afraid she was going to lose me. I became super defensive and argumentative, but deep down inside I knew she was right. She knew that I battled with this but she also knew that if she did not try to do everything she could to help me that she would have regrets. So anyway I became more aware of the issue but did not end up doing too much to change.

Fast forward to the summer I started to go on hikes, in fact Emily and I tried to do two hikes. First hike, I had to stop every 20 feet because my heart was racing so fast I did not think I could go. The second hike I was walking the mountain and my back starting hurting so bad we turned back. On the hikes Emily wanted to keep going but I could not, my body would not let me, but it was the start of at least being more active, but my weight was holding me back so bad.

End of August 2011 I heard on the local sports radio station about a contest for BYU & Utah football fans to compete against each other to lose weight. The contest allowed for a personal trainer, free pass, if you won you would win a trip to see your football team play in a Bowl game.

I really wanted to be in the contest so bad, so I emailed the program director of the radio station. 1320KFAN letting them know I so needed this. I listened to the radio station and heard my name as being one of the people who would represent the Utah team! I was super happy and was told to go to the gym and they would take before pictures and measurements and start a workout. I prayed a lot and was happy that God answered my prayers, but also knew it would not be easy.

Stats before I started the competition:

Weight: 392lbs

Pant Size: 52 waist

Shirt size-4XL but approaching 5XL

Body Fat-43%

Mind was so foggy and memory was bad because of the food I was eating.

Walking up 12 stairs would make me tired

I was drinking 30-60oz of sugar soda a day

Terrible acid reflux, and took tums a lot at night.

Eating 4K calories a day or more, based around Fast food, candy, soda, pizza, and always eating out but not picking good items.

Played some organized basketball and the 3XL jersey they gave me could not even get over my stomach.

Months where I spent $500-$600, a month eating out at restaurants.

How did I get to be 400lbs?

2012-01-13T08:07:00.000-08:00

How did I get to 400lbs?

I know almost every fast food restaurant from Layton to Provo Utah. If you ever need directions to a Wendy's in Lehi let me know. If you want to find an Arby's in Murray and can tell you the location. I used to eat a burger as a snack. I could eat a bag of Potato chips in a day and once had a year where I did not exercise. I had a Banana once a week if that. French fries or Mashed Potatoes were the most common vegetable I would eat.. Here is a picture of when I looked my fattest.

How did I feel about myself? I felt that I did not get a few jobs or promotions in the past because of my size. I always tried to make a joke about it. I knew I was fat but did not believe I could be healthy. I thought I would be designed to a life of being heavy and feared I would die of a heart attack at the age 40. I was ashamed of not being better but I just embraced being fat as much as I could but deep inside I wished for a life of adventure, travel. outdoor activities, and being amazing.

In the next post I will tell you how I changed.

Carpets

2012-01-04T18:04:00.000-08:00

Emily's Take:

***DISCLAIMER: I am not proud of the condition of my carpets in the first two pictures. View at your own discretion. And try to be understanding...***

I have this excellent carpet cleaner made by Hoover. It takes care of the bulk of my carpets, except one area: stairs. Though the extension hose supposedly cleans stair carpets, it has yet to yield a satisfactory result for me.

We have lived in our home for three and a half years. Shouldn't be too bad of a carpet problem, right?

Wrong. Here's why:

A - The entrance of our home is a small, tiled foyer with a coat closet; the stairs are the only option for moving forward. All visitors who want to stay longer than five seconds have to hike up our indoor stairs.
B - Our carpet is fickle. The spot cleaners I've tried all leave grey spots.
C - We have a dog.
D - He's old. And cranky.
E - And lazy.

Our marvelous realtor, Angelina Feichko, sent us a Christmas present - 150 square feet of professional carpet cleaning, FREE! You should know - I've never actually purchased or sold a home through Angel. She is just that incredible. I'll get you her info if you want a great realtor. Needless to say, of course I took advantage of the carpet cleaning offer.

Exhibits A and B, along with all visitors in our home for the past year, will attest to the urgent, grim need for a professional carpet cleaning:

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Visitors to our home over the past year:
............

Okay, so the carpet thing was kind of embarrassing to us. I mean, who lives in their home for three-point-five years and has carpets this terrible? Visitors were scarce. If they were brave enough to ascend our carpet of terror, they were welcome.

Few were that courageous.

Extreme Restoration Systems was the carpet cleaning company to come over. They were super easy to schedule with and it wasn't an awkward thing at all when I told them I had a migraine and had neglected to vacuum the stairs before they got there. I have sixteen stairs and a small landing. The guy had them spic-and-span by the end of sixty minutes. It was an amazing difference. The smell was not harsh or chemical-y. On top of having the stairs done for free, the guy gave me a professional spot remover with a white terry cloth!

Because the cleaning took place in the middle of December, the carpet took a bit longer to dry - almost six hours. It was completely worth it (after all, it was FREE!). Give these guys a call if you live in the greater Salt Lake area and need a carpet cleaning. They really are incredible and deliver amazing results. I even found out that, had I not had a free offer, I would have been able to afford them anyway. Their prices are extremely affordable. I was able to have my Christmas party with my family - and I didn't feel like I needed to apologize for the nasty carpet! Freedom.

Extreme Restoration Systems (801) 544-5608

Results:

No Health Insurance No Problem

2011-11-16T07:03:00.000-08:00

Devan's Take:

One of the ongoing debates in government is it the "right" of the government to provide health care for every person. This is not a post about the right to health care or should it be the governments responsibilty but more on how Emily and I get by without health insurance in the state of Utah, and considering Emily has a lot of medical issues we are getting by. I started a new job in September, and found out it would cost about $250 per month to cover my wife and I. If we paid that we would still need to throw down $30 co-pays, prescription costs and if anything is major we would only be covered about 80% so we decided that for us it would be cheaper to pay the doctor the office visits, the doctor Emily is seeing is $65 each visit, so if she sees him twice a month it is only $130, now that does not cover prescriptions but we found it is pretty cheap for generic medicne, and it comes out to about $50 a month, so right there we are paying about $180 for medical care, now what happens if she gets cancer or has more expensive treament, well we would be in a bad spot but we are just trying to do the best we can this week to save. The other great thing we found out about is After Hours Medical has a program you can pay $50 month and get covered at an InstaCare. We will most likely start doing that. Here is the link if you need more information: http://www.afterhoursmedical.com/home/no-insurance-we-can-help/

This blog post is not get information for everyone and we recommend that each person consider their own situation, if we had children this would not be a great option but it works for us. Have a great day.

Little Things

2011-09-06T15:28:00.000-07:00

Devan's Take:

This is a year that a lot of things that have been challenging, and maybe we will address that at some point, but I wanted to write a few things I have noticed about exercising and eating right. Outside of my mission I have pretty much always been obese. I think a lot of it was environmental but I cannot use that as an excuse. For example some families went hiking together, my family went out to eat. So having that ingrained in me from an early age I did not feel like I could lose weight. Eating fast food, chips, candy, was a way of life I chose.

Now about 2 weeks into a new way of life I have already noticed some big changes. Question I am asking myself now: 1) Do I have ADHD? I am very focused now, I can sit an watch the same TV show without changing the station 100 times an hour. I am not tapping or fidgeting all the time and actually listen more intently to conversation and do not ask the person to repeat way they said over and over again. I am not clicking on the same webpages over and over again like I used to and playing a word game on Emily's phone allows me to focus for longer. Why is my mind so much clearer? I have a clearer understanding of life and do not get down or depressed as much. Not that I had a bad problem with that recently but I feel generally happier and more positive. I have started to walk faster, and I am willing to park farther away from a store.

I am writing this for myself mostly as a journal so I can notice the small changes that take place which excite me. My goal is to make this a part of my life forever. What am I doing? I may address that more in a future post. In the meantime I can just enjoy small changes which will result in big changes overtime.

Emily's Take

I love being healthy. I love eating in a healthy manner, working out, etc. A healthy lifestyle is wonderful! Unfortunately, I got a little lazy after about a year of marriage, and the pounds slowly crept up on me. At my heaviest, I had gained a whopping forty pounds from my skinny bride weight! My size also went from a 5'11" size 6 to a size 14, pushing 16! I don't know if I necessarily CAN be as small, weight-wise and circumference-wise, as I was when we got married in 2005 (certain things have grown and developed that I don't think can or should be lost), but I can stand to lose about thirty of those forty pounds. So far, I have lost ten, so I've got twenty pounds to go and a great motivator in Devan to help me along. I walk/jog about 4 miles every other day (that's a little over 500 calories for me) and stretch morning and night. I have yoga materials and a workout DVD, so I do that sometimes when it is inclement weather or I'm not feeling like I can go outside (migraines, what a pain).

Bottom line? I'm loving that we are embarking on this lifestyle change. I can't wait until I have a day when I don't think about my body in some derogatory way - I didn't when I was a size 6, that's for sure. I'm also training my mind to stop thinking negatively about my physical appearance. I have been reassured of my attractiveness countless times, but (as you women may understand) it is difficult to REALLY absorb those compliments and turn them into affirmations.

Here's to a new Thorne family!

xoxo

Shameless Plug - Healer's Destiny

2011-07-23T03:39:00.000-07:00

Emily's take:

I'm related to a famous person. A living one. The dead ones don't really matter. Abraham Lincoln had his day, and though he's my great-great-great (however many greats) uncle-in-law, I won't write about him because everyone already knows all about him. Plus, he didn't write a great fantasy novel.

My sister is an author. She wrote and published a beautiful fantasy/adventure novel titled Healer's Destiny. This is my shameless plug for everyone to read my clearly biased review, then go get it yourself for your reading enjoyment!

Julee F. Page combines a fantasy/adventure/romance novel in a clean and compelling format. From the very first pages, you are thrown into a world of chaos and instability. Julee has done a magnificent job creating a believable fantasy world through her detailed and sometimes comical prose. Eliana, the heroine of the book, is kept a secret in a world where women are abused, frequently kidnapped, tortured, and taken from their families for life. Thus, in this world, females stay indoors and are rarely, if ever, seen outside the home.

Eliana carries with her an even deeper secret - she is the subject of a prophecy to bring down the empire created by the wicked, tyrannical wizard who rules the vast and devastated land. Composed in an easy-to-read, fast-paced adventure, this novel will keep you turning pages well into the night, following Eliana on her journey to fulfill her destiny.

Healer's Destiny can be found at convenient places: http://www.amazon.com, Kindle, Nook, Barnes & Noble, and directly from the publisher, https://www.createspace.com/3563094.

For another (better written) review, please read http://yourstrulydear.blogspot.com/2011/06/healers-destiny.html

Enjoy, readers! If you have read the book, or WANT to read it, please post your thoughts below. More reviews equals more opportunities to share viewpoints, and I love a good book discussion - as this one will inevitably incite.

Sunless Tanning

2011-06-18T16:57:00.000-07:00

Emily's Take:

I really love having some color on my skin. Especially during the summer months, when beaches and swimming pools alike become infested with half-clothed peoples. I want to be a sexy half-clothed person with darker skin - I'm one of those people who think darker skin looks good.

Unfortunately, my family is part albino, and the other half lived in caves until the 1950's. (None of that is true, but it sure looks like it when you see my family, sweet rednecks that they are)

My mom had suffered from skin cancer (melanoma, for those of you who are medically inclined) when I was about thirteen years old. Watching her suffer as she lost gobs of her beautiful black hair while going through chemotherapy was enough to convince me that the sun was evil. It must be stopped.

Until the day comes when humans find another planet to sustain all life forms and obliterate this evil, I shall orange-glo myself during summer months. My friend told me to just try fish-belly white. It's the new "in". I gracefully bowed out of that uncomfortable idea. My veins are clearly evident through my translucent skin. Terrifying small children at a swimming pool by my glaringly vampirish body does not sound like a police-less visit to the pool.

Bath & Body Works has this wonderful skincare line called "True Blue Spa". I love the "Lay it on Thick" moisturizer, but this isn't about marvelous moisturizers. I need orange-glo, and NOW! So apparently, B&BW is miles ahead of me. Turns out, they have "Bronzing self-tanning lotion". Perfect!

My next stop was Wally World (Wal-Mart, for those of you who have yet to have heard the expression). Not for orange-glo, mind you, was I there, but for prescription refills. The anti-psychotics seem to be working. On the shelf directly across from the prescription refill counter, there is a display for all things summer-y. In between the aloe vera burn treatment and the 4 SPF tanning lotion, I found Hawaiian Tropic's "Island Radiance Créme" self-tanner that gives a flawless tan, luxurious 12-hour moisturization, and a light, fresh fragrance (nice label, HT!). Island RADIANCE?! That sounds fabulous. So I bought two (duh).

Coming home and throwing these things into the drawer to which they belong, I spot something of a similar shape and size as the Hawaiian Tropics container. Turns out, I had an old "True Blue Spa" bronzer. It says "bronze bombshell" on the label, and I'm sold. If bronzing me means turning me into a bombshell, I'm wanting to make it happen STAT!

After exfoliating my skin, I give a shot at using the newer B&BW bronzing lotion. My supposition was that, if newer, then better, right? That stuff is NOT lotion. It is a freaky alien-ish gel that has sparkles and suspiciously reminds me of Neutrogena T-Gel (you know, for dandruff and the like). It stings and stinks. At the SAME TIME. However, it does show bronze where you've applied so it doesn't get all streaky and freaky and oompa-loompa-y. Wash hands, dry hands on towel, stand somewhere for fifteen minutes without moving so nobody touches my tan.

I was satisfied for the present. A week goes by, and the legs are looking translucent yet again. Veins are showing everywhere, and it must be stopped. Exfoliation, OLDER B&BW "solar power all-angle professional airbrush tan, super fast 5-minute dry time!" (I'm serious. They really put the hyphen between 5 and minute. That can't be right. Right?) I felt that the spray was giving out a little, so I also spread on the HT Island Radiance. Can't tell where the heck it's going, but I'm hoping it works. Wash hands, dry hands on towel, stand somewhere for fifteen minutes without moving so nobody touches my tan. Five minutes... not so much for our friends over at HT.

Today I woke up and was pleasantly surprised to see a darker, bronzer me staring back from the mirror. I was not pleased to see the bronzer that had gotten on my undies. *sigh*

Hey, did you know that bronzers just keep working, and working, and WORKING??? Here is a shot of me on Sunday (six days ago, with my niece) and today about ten minutes ago:

Yep, Oompa-Loompa Emily has arrived! Problem #2 (as if being an oompa-loompa wasn't enough): I have oompa-loompa hands:

Yes, indeed, I am a bronze bombshell. For fictional characters living in a fabled, abandoned candy factory.

Funk and all the junk

2011-05-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

Devan's Take:

I get stunk in a funk. Funk affect decision making, relationship, sleep, work and just about everything else. Depression is a medical diagnosis so I would not call it that because I can usually get of these without any help or medical intervention. One of the major causes for me is weather. I need to be in warm weather and see the sun. The weather in Utah has been really cold and wet mostly since November. I am really longing for some better days and I think they are around the corner.

BYU Football

2011-04-13T19:45:00.000-07:00

BYU Football is is intriguing to me. On one hand it is all about leadership and spreading the gospel. But on the other it is about crushing another mans face on a field. It is still hard for me to think that many people are converted or introduced to the gospel by BYU Football. I have never heard a guy get up in church and say, "wow I cannot believe it has been 5 years since I became a member of the LDS church and it all started by watching ESPN!" Watching Notre Dame on the field does not make me think of Catholics, it make me think of a sub par football team. It is funny when you joke about the football team people think you are messing with their church, but really we are just teasing about their football team why? Because we can.

Dishwasher Mystery

2011-04-08T16:08:00.000-07:00

Emily:

So, for a while now I have seen little white specks on my dishes when they come out of the washer. I thought it was the type of dishwashing soap we use, so I went to Costco and grabbed some ultra-sized Cascade gel.

The white specks will NOT disappear. I just ran a load through the dishwasher. When it was finished, I put all the dishes away. Just as I was closing the dishwasher, I saw a wooden spoon that had somehow fallen down to the bottom of the machine. I reached in to grab it. This is what met my eyes:

See that crusty stuff EVERYWHERE?!

I nearly died. After many deep breaths - okay, hyperventilation - I thought the mystery through. How did crusty nastiness appear inside my dishwasher? I am very good about rinsing all of our dishes before loading them inside the machine. Were these the crusty bones of perhaps somebody's (Devan's) neglect to properly rinse before loading? Or is there something more sinister going on?

My opinion is that there are four real possibilities:

* We live in an area with about the hardest water in the world. These are mineral deposits from three years of usage.

* The dishwashing soap companies are all against us and have teamed up with dishwashing machine making companies to screw us out of more money by eventually having the things malfunction because of the soap deposits.

* Devan has been doing too much dishwasher loading.

* Our dishes are slowly disintegrating.

If you are a dishwasher expert, please tell me how to get rid of this stuff! Do I use more soap, or is soap the problem? Do I take a razor to the crusty areas to chip it away?

Which of these options do you think is happening?

Sick

2011-04-02T01:30:00.000-07:00

Emily:

I sent this email to a dear friend and figured, since there are only a few people who follow our blog and I care about their thoughts, I'd share it with you (slightly modified, of course). Responses are welcome.

I am going to impose upon you, the reader, to request for me some desperately needed, in-your-face help. I'm having yet another sleepless night and this one thought keeps recurring, so I'm going to REALLY open up and make myself (and possibly yourself) uncomfortable with some super private thoughts, should you choose to continue reading... would you mind being completely frank and honest with me regarding something that has afflicted me for months?

I have lots of so-so days. By "lots", I'm talking I have maybe a week at most of okay days with regard to my health. I mean, I'm able to get up out of bed, shower, maybe put on some makeup, occasionally throw on some real-world clothing, and go out to dinner with my husband - rarely, I have even achieved some light exercise. More often, I stay home in my PJ's and watch movies or do homework on so-so days. However, they are defined as "okay", not "great", because I am EXHAUSTED. Exhausted from the painful, sleepless night I had the night before; from the head that won't stop aching; from the gut that won't shut up; from the bones that scream at me to lose another ten pounds so they won't creak as often. On those okay days, I feel the weight of exhaustion from my symptoms on my bad days, and doing much more than a couple or a few hours outside in the real world on okay days almost invariably triggers more bad days, and frequently actually turns so-so days into bad days within a short time frame.

On my bad days (tonight included), I barrage myself with "Man, if I only felt like I did yesterday NOW, I'd be able to do SO MUCH! I'd figure out how to solve world peace, end global poverty, take out the trash..." Then old habits of self-analyzing kick in. "Wow, Emily, your so-so days really aren't THAT bad. Seriously, you thought you were tired THEN?! NOW you remember what it feels like, with a migraine and knees that feel broken on top of it." So I torture myself with thoughts of "What if I can control this much more than for which I am giving myself credit? What if I really could have gone to work last week, but I am just wimping out? What if our (currently VERY dire) financial situation is all just because I'm too lazy to suck it up and get my butt out of bed? What if Heavenly Father is trying to teach me a difficult lesson in self-reliance through adversity?"

PLEASE be honest: am I going crazy? I mean, are these valid thoughts, or do I have to try arguing with myself about how sick I truly am? My doctor recently helped me write up FMLA papers for work because my job doesn't want to get rid of me, but I'm hardly there. Doc put that I should really see a doctor twice a week (can't even afford the $30 copay that often), with flare-ups another two times a week. How, then, does this get me out of going to work for two weeks straight, I ask myself? It doesn't medically clear me according to my doctor. But I FEEL my body and I know I'm exhausted when I'm not having a "flare-up". I read about those people who convince themselves they have a medical condition until they start exhibiting symptoms. They physiologically mess with themselves to the point that they truly suffer. Extreme hypochondria, or even Munchausen syndrome... I wonder if I am one of those people!!! I don't revel in attention received from my illnesses; rather, it completely embarrasses me that I have no answers, so Munchausen syndrome is out (phew!).

It is so emotionally, mentally, (need I say?) physically and spiritually TAXING - so I'm just praying you have some brilliant words of advice that can help ease my suffering with the war going on in my head. Have you experienced anything like what I'm describing? If so, what conclusions have you reached? I'm quite fed up with my constant health issues and the enormous consequences we're facing due to them, but I don't know if I could stand to realize if I had as much control over it as my brain is trying to convince me I do.

Please do not mince words with me. If you have been through this and have come to ANY finality of thought, please let me know.

With love and appreciation (and terrified anticipation for any responses),

Hoarders

2011-03-23T13:48:00.000-07:00

Emily:

Have you ever heard of that show on A&E, "Hoarders"? It is quite possibly the saddest show on television. And my dog is one.

I was trying to figure out why I only had one of my two comfy socks. I cleaned the entire house looking for it. My dog, Buddy, followed me around, probably wondering why I was muttering to myself and constantly throwing things around in my attempt to find my sock.

Suddenly, a ray of light shone through my window toward the bottom of my bed. "It can't be!" I exclaimed in my head. So, following the obvious inspiration from above, I got down on my belly and found, among other things, these:

Yes, indeed, that is my comfy sock on the left. In addition, two mismatched slippers (the companions have been thrown away long ago), some stuffing from an old pillow I tossed about a year ago, a swimsuit breast liner for which the suit is LONG gone, a cup, a glove for skiing, a notebook from my husband's old job, a plug-into-the-wall USB dock to charge ipods and the like, and a tax document I didn't even realize was missing and will now have to file a correction for this year (UGH!). I believe I need therapy for the discovery of my dog's obsessive need to hoard.

Perhaps I ought to clean under the bed more often. In my defense, there is a bed skirt.

9 meals from Anarchy

2011-03-08T22:36:00.000-08:00

My job deals with food storage and food reserves. The company I work for has a gourmet product where the food lasts for 25 years. One of the interesting things about my job is that I am exposed to a lot of information about disasters, doomsday, and end of the world predictions. I have heard a lot of strange things that make me laugh and others that make me a bit nervous. I would say I have a pretty good idea on what could take place in case of an emergency and it seems that I keep watching shows that focus on it. I washed a show tonight on the History Chanel that got me thinking a lot about how each of us should prepare. I want to give you a list of 5 things every house should have to prepare for natural disaster, extended power outage, job loss, war, or terrorist attack.

1) 1 year of food. Dehydrated is best because it does not have added chemicals like Freeze Dried does.

2) Water and water filers. You can only live 3 days without water but you can live 30 days without food.

3) A mini stove or a way to create fire

4) Poncho and warm clothes.

5) Gun or a way to protect yourself. (Your country is only 9 meals from anarchy) That means once people cannot find food after 3 days they will start looting and coming for others food.

I left a lot off the list but if you need helping preparing please let me know. I have a lot of resources and information if you need it so go ahead and contact me if you want more information.

Devan

Ideas

2010-08-10T14:56:00.001-07:00

Devan:

I have been figuring out how to do an audio blog but I am not quite ready yet. Over the last few months I have changed in a major way. I would say it was about a three year change but it mostly is just a great positiveness. The first thing I learned is that God can truly lead you by the hand. It is a profound sentence but it is true. God can help us if we have a willing heart. Over the last few months I have been led to a webmaster, lawyer, financial and tax accountant, and non profit to give to in Africa, while starting a business. I have been able to envision the product, name, and so many of the key details by the power and influence of Christ. Now I do not want to overdue it and realize everything is easy, some things have been really hard, but looking back they seem so worth it. I also learned if you are willing to help people and truly serve and help them God will magnify your efforts and bless you 100 fold.

Relationship Bank Account

2010-03-07T14:07:00.000-08:00

Devan's Take

Everyone we know in life has some purpose. I have learned so many things from the great people in my life. I know so many people that are building and lifting others in this world and it inspires me. If you are reading this it is because we want you in our life. We want builders not destroyers. We want people that finish what they start and do hard things and do not give up. Some day each of us will pass this life and we will stand before our maker. We will be accountable how we treated people, thoughts, and actions of our lives. Some people will not be able to stand the site of God, because their life will filled with corruption and destruction but none the less will be required.

I heard this bit of wisdom once about relationship. You must think about the important relationships with your spouse as a bank account. You must continue to make deposits for when you make a withdrawal you still have plenty of reserves left it will see you through the tough times. Withdrawals should not happen all the time when trying to life with peace. Communication is the greatest tool we have to build others. I encourage all of you to help build others and to continue to make deposits into your relationship bank account.

Give Back

2010-01-17T20:48:00.001-08:00

Devan's Take

I heard today that the LDS church has changed his mission slightly. Along with proclaiming the gospel, redeeming the dead and perfecting the saints, the church will add a fourth mission. Care for the poor and needy. As much as people can bag on members of the LDS church or find fault in some of the members actions, nobody can accuse the church or many of its members of not helping the poor. A lot of people have become very wealthy and blessed by the hand of the Lord. I have met some very rich members of my church, and also the poorest. I remember visiting members of the church in bamboo huts and sharing with them a message. They were not extremely educated, and not having much wealth at all. Most of them had some pictures of their families and had a nice stereo so they could all sing Karaoke with their friends. Some people think you should not help the poor because you will enable them to rely on you and that people who are poor should not be helped, because they can care for themselves. I would counter and say, We should not decide who lives or dies because of where they were born. I think the Lord expects those who have been blessed to give back and care for others. If not selfishness is likely to overcome the soul of the person who fails to help or life another. Just a few thoughts...

Emily's Take

I was the recipient of much charity and goodness growing up. My mother moved us four children around often, chasing work - and moving is not cheap. We never had a lot, and it showed in our appearance. Tattered clothing, shoes with holes in them, etc. made us stand out as obviously needy. I am grateful for those who helped care for us during those years. I have since become much more cynical regarding recipients of welfare and charitable giving. Unfortunately, I have come to realize that, although many of my family members go without a lot of things, the reasons are typically because of lack of motivation to do something about it. I have watched my mother turn down two or three job offers one month before getting evicted. She lives off the charity of others because it's easier than working for it - hey, she's getting it for free! It breaks my heart to think that some members of my family (my mom not being the only one) live this way.
I have also learned another thing: it doesn't really matter the stories behind those who receive charity. The bottom line - they do need it. Though my mother's circumstances are of her own making, that doesn't erase her need for charity. Indeed, Christ's love is called Charity. We all need our Savior. So, though I realize that there are many who "take advantage" of charity, I also understand that there are so many who will receive with gratitude and praise our Lord with thanksgiving. In those recipients, I have hope.

Dreams

2009-11-08T13:32:00.001-08:00

Devan's take:

A while ago Emily and I wrote some financial goals we had. We wrote down some ambitious goals. I want Emily to be at home and pursue our dreams. At the time I did not know how we would do it. I am working for a great company but want so much more. I want to be able to build schools in Africa and help children without fathers to live their dreams. Children in Africa are walking miles to get an education. I did not want to hear that it was not possible so I decided to change who I was. I needed to retrain my brain and surround myself with people that want that also. Over the past few months a lot of great things have come about. Found free podcasts and internet classes that I could learn how to develop web business. Had some great ideas and shared them with a couple key people. My business partner came into my life years ago while we were rooomates. He is a successful real estate investor and we have so much fun. We spent 3 hours together the other night and got so excited about the future that we are going to launch this dream. It was amazing we had so much fun and ideas. I just realized these are the best days of our life. The adventure in life is so amazing.

Emily's Take:

It seems like we are always talking about living our dreams and setting goals. Well... that's because... that's what we do! Why not share with everyone the reason for our happiness? OK, our goals and dreams aren't the entire reason for our joy. Devan and I feel that our goals and dreams are centered in the gospel of Jesus Christ, our Savior. Without Him, nothing is possible. With Him, all things are possible.

Life Vision

2009-10-07T08:50:00.000-07:00

Devan's take:

Over the past few years I have been reading a lot of books and gaining a lot of information about reaching goals, starting a business, and achieving greatness. Here are some of the best nuggets of information I found.

Achieving Goals
-Create a Vision Board

-write down goals

-Follow GOYA (get off your A**)
-Meditate

-have someone hold you accountable
a. for weight loss I have 5 people that I am accountable to.

Plan and map out the future you want

Ask God

Listen: Listen to the answers on how to accomplish it

"We only have a certian ammount of years to get what we want, so we need laser focus" -John Assaraf

Emily's Take:

I love goal-setting with Devan. We talk about our plans for the future - children, housing, hobbies, etc. I really want to stay at home and be a mother. Devan really wants to be successful in work, to the point of being able to take time off work to attend things like school recitals. It is really fun to figure out paths to take in order to accomplish these long-term goals. We also have short-term goals, like going to Hawaii before our first child is born, going to the Philippines for the Cebu temple dedication in 2010, and continuing to grow our net worth.

I firmly believe if we hold to the gospel truths that Heavenly Father has supplied us with, we can acheive things much greater than if we did it all on our own. The key to success, in my opinion, is making the gospel the center of life. Heavenly Father did not put us on earth to fail. He has given us truths that we can implement into our lives for our joy and happiness. Sometimes it's not entirely clear why we go through challenges, but in hindsight, we can generally see how we have grown through those seemingly insurmountable odds. I thank Heavenly Father for the opportunities He has presented to us, His literal children. He is my God and the Light of the world. He is the Light of our world, mine and Devan's. Through the Spirit we learn more than we could any other way. This is how goal-setting has been so fruitful for us - the blessings have been made manifest through the Holy Spirit and through the way we live our lives.

Not Room Enough to Receive It

2009-09-14T09:42:00.000-07:00

Devan's Take:

Over the past few days I have been thinking about how blessed we are. Emily was given a tuition scholarship to sing with the Salt Lake Community College. This is an excellent choir and it is a great blessing for her to be back to college. On Saturday they found out they are going to tour Bejiing China next fall. It is a trip of a lifetime because they get to sing in the best concert halls and typically to packed houses. It is still a long way away but it is awesome she may be given that chance. My job recently gave me a free weekend trip to Zermatt resort in Midway Utah and an Ipod touch. I was thinking these blessing are amazing, the Lord is pouring out so many awesome things for us. I am reminded of the scripture in Malachi 3:10

10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

Now just because someone does not have all the material possesions it does not mean the Lord is not blessing us. He gives us the sun, rain, family, kids, life, atonement, friends, spirit, wisdom, faith, and many more things too numerous to count. It is a great blessing.

Emily's Take:

I agree with everything Devan said. I'm giving you readers a break from my typical novel-esque rhetoric. :)

Pick Joy!!!

2009-08-25T08:13:00.000-07:00

Devan's take:

Over the past little bit we have learned about the law of attraction in achieving our dreams. We learned 3 simple principles that have enabled us to live our dreams. We have created great friendships, feel close to our family, and feel close to God.

1) Plan: Outline what you want in life.
2) Ask: Ask God for what you want in life
3) Thank: Be grateful

Emily's take:

I grew up in a household that believed men were all bad, money was short and always difficult to retain, and life in general was a struggle to keep up with the changing times. I am so grateful to have shed that stigma!

Honestly, what we believe (for the most part) becomes our reality. For example, "men were all bad" was a reality in my growing up years. Every man my mother dated after her second divorce turned out to love the kids but not her, or loved her but not the kids - or, in the case with one guy, was already married and managed to keep it hidden from her for months.

I am not blaming my mother for the bad behavior of the men she dated. What I am saying is that, based on her belief that all men were generally bad, she chose those men that fit the description she was most comfortable with - she'd only known "bad" men, so those were the ones she "understood"!

I was a very angry teenager. I felt like an outcast from my peers, and because we were poor, I had hand-me-down clothes from my older sister, and we shopped regularly at Deseret Industries for "new" clothing and shoes. I became very resentful toward my mother for the circumstances. She worked and had a decent paying job, even with four children to raise on her own, but the vast majority of her money went to her mother to help her financially. I remember waiting for the mail to come and hoping a child support check was there so we could go grocery shopping. I would yell at my mom and say hurtful things to my siblings – I wasn’t emotionally mature enough to communicate why I was so angry.

I finally became tired of being miserable, so I started watching people who seemed happy all the time. I watched one person in particular, a beautiful and popular student body officer named Kelly. She was such a nice person; it seemed like she didn't care whether her friends had ratty clothes - she was friendly to EVERYONE! I decided I wanted to be like her. I wanted to love people as they were, without stipulations based on appearance.I began to "fake it 'til I made it". Ironically, that is one of my mother's favorite sayings.

Anyway, I started to realize as I pretended to be happy, that I actually FELT happier! My friends started telling me that they wished they could be as optimistic and kind as I was. At first it felt like a lie, but it did become my reality.

The change I made as a teenager was a turning point in my belief system. I noticed that my mother was not truly happy. I decided to analyze what was different from her beliefs and what I WANTED to believe.

She believed men were inherently bad and would inevitably hurt or destroy a relationship. I decided to believe that men were NOT inherently bad and mean and out to hurt every relationship.

She believes (still) that money is difficult to acquire. I choose to believe that there is more than enough money for my family to keep us comfortable for the rest of our lives.

She believes (still) that life is a set of constant trials and difficulties. I choose to believe that life is full of joy and happiness and trials are meant for my progression - a challenge rather than a difficulty.

I believe this is one of the ways Heavenly Father teaches us to become happy - fake it 'til we make it. Sometimes circumstances can bring us down, but as long as our foundations of truth are based in righteousness, we will be able to acheive what we need - whether it is joy, prosperity, etc. We truly can acheive our dreams. Heavenly Father did not put us on earth to fail and toil in the workforce our entire lives. He wants us to LIVE!

And I find, as I implement these beliefs into my life, that I am a happier and more prosperous person because of them.

Motab

2009-08-13T18:15:00.000-07:00

Emily's Take:

I submitted my first ever audition CD to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir! Wow, it's a very arduous audition process. The instructions are very specific: State your name and address, indicate the portion of the audition you're about to do from the list of necessary items provided for a complete audition CD (ie., Event A, Number 1), sing whatever they tell you to for that portion... Get a bishop's recommendation indicating you are temple worthy and why they feel you would be an asset to the MoTab... Fill out the application form with required "calling" information, both current and prior callings - and spousal and family information. Then you ship it all in. If they like your audition CD enough, they invite you to take a written test, which you must score 80% or above to continue. Then if you score well enough, they invite you for an in-person audition, where you will: sing a hymn of your choice, sight read a difficult piece of music, and sing whatever else the conductors want you to sing in order to establish your tonal quality, musicality, pitch accuracy, and singing part (Soprano I, Soprano II, Alto I, Alto II, etc.). If they like you well enough, they invite you to join the Temple Square Chorale and attend the Choral School on Temple Square for 6-8 (?) weeks. After successfully completing the school, you are invited to join the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

WHEW!!!

So I've just completed the first part. It is a HUGE time commitment, but I've already participated in the Utah Symphony Chorus and am a member of the Millenium Chorus and Chamber Singers with Lex de Azevedo. So I hope that was enough of a primer for my audition for the MoTab.

I hope I make it.

Devan's take:

I hope she makes it because she is an awesome singer. What a sacred and special calling it is.

Living the Better Life

2009-08-09T18:24:00.000-07:00

Emily's Take:

Devan and I have been making some rather dramatic changes in our lives; at least, it felt dramatic at first. We used to eat out every single day - I know, I know... not wise. But we did it because we felt there was no reason NOT to. Then after losing my job, we had to sit back and assess the direction our lives were headed. We realized that fast food every day was not good for our pocketbook, much less our waistlines (yikes!). We pack our lunches nearly every day now and rarely eat out. Even though I have taken a nearly $8,000.00 per year pay cut, we do not feel the pressure in our bank account. What a huge blessing!

We have also decided to make healthy living a priority in our lives. I used to go jogging regularly - before I got married. Once the deed was done, well.... there didn't seem to be a reason to go jogging anymore! Ha ha, just kidding Devan. I remember feeling so great when I'd exercise, and I missed that feeling. Plus, with the fast food, my hips DON'T lie. Another Epiphany, this one requiring much less of a kick in the pants (such as losing my job to figure out we need to be frugal), was all we needed to get our rears in gear, so to speak. We are blessed to live close to a Legacy Parkway trail head, so I take my bicycle and ride for an hour or so a few times each week. Devan uses that time to go to the gym we pay exorbitant HOA fees for which to have access. OK, they're not the WORST fees, but seriously, this isn't California, people!!!

Finally, we both have callings in our newly formed ward. I am the second counselor in the Young Women's presidency, and Devan is an Elders Quorum teacher. Incredibly, with these time-consuming callings, we feel we have the energy and stamina to keep going with our lifestyle goals, and we were able to clean our house up and down this weekend! I truly believe Heavenly Father has a way of slowing down time to help us with our righteous desires and goals.

Devan's take:

Meditation works, visualization works, praying, pondering and setting goals work. I was listening to a church program this week and they said that this scripture is stated over 100 times. Ask and you shall receive, knock and it shall be open to you. If it was stated over 100 times it appears the Lord was trying to teach us something.

I listened to the book, "Having it all" over 3 times this month. It talks about meditating and having what you want in life. I realize that God does not want us to be miserable. How come some people can get their dreams while others sit at home wondering why life is so nasty? What does God want for us? I believe he wants is to create lasting relationships, friendships, fun, humour, joy, laughter, and peace to name a few. Do we have tough times, we sure do. Most Psychologists believe 85% of people grew up in dysfunctional families. What does that mean? It means everyone has had it rough sometimes, but it also means life is not so bad, because most have experiences what we have had or even worse. We can create the life we choose. We can imagine greatness and achieve what we desire. I feel a lot of joy as I share this message with others. IT IS TIME WE ALL LIT A FIRE WITHIN US!!!

Judge not..

2009-07-21T10:32:00.000-07:00

Devan's Take:

Over the past little while we have been getting asked when were are having kids? While that question is not bad per say sometimes I wonder if people are quick to judge. Do people think we are selfish because we do not have kids? I kind of get that vibe from some people in my family because we have a dog and don't have children. While I don't think I should discuss in great detail the medical options we are pursuing, or the prayers we are offered for the chance to be parents. We realize some people will judge us anyway. I realize God knows our hearts and will give us bless us with the chance when he is ready. I know that Emily and I can stand before him and say that we have tried our best so far and we are not selfish in this matter.

Emily's Take:

I love children! My nephews are the highlight of any family get-together. I love watching Devan with them, too. He will make a great father. Someday.
So OK... we've had issues getting pregnant. People ask how long we've been married, then when we answer, the next question that inevitably follows is, "Oh, so do you have any kids yet?" The answer, of course, is no. Then we get one of two common responses: There's the "Oh............. (awkward silence).........." or "You guys are so smart to wait!"

I don't know which one I prefer less.

See, we WANT children, just can't HAVE children for whatever reason. It has become less and less heartbreaking as the months (OK, years) have worn on and we keep getting asked the same questions and keep giving the same answers. It's not that we necessarily mind people asking; they're curious and want to know us better. I believe that no one means any harm by asking a seemingly harmless question. It's really the reaction - after learning we've been married for *GASP!* nearly five years and we are childless - that gets under my skin. This may be one of the flaws of "church society". I don't blame the LDS church. I believe strongly in families and procreation and all that jazz. The doctrine of the church is absolutely true and will not change. What I don't believe in is people sort of "guilting" someone into believing they must be doing something wrong if they don't start families right away or within a certain preconceived (no pun intended) time period (again, no pun intended... Oooh, that may have been too much).

So we wait. And pray. And cry once every few months... well, that's more just me. Devan is a wonderful man, and if we cannot have children the old-fashioned way, we'll figure something else out eventually. Until then, I am very happily married and having a great time dating my sweetheart.

Perspective

2009-06-21T20:47:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I was at the MonaVie Convention which is a convention for distributors that sign up and enroll people in a business. Anyone who has been to a network marketing convention realizes how exciting they can be but if you are an employee working at them they are a lot of work. It took hundreds of people to pull the last one off. The convention I went to yesterday was a bit different than some of them I have been to in the past. A man from Brazil offered a prayer and asked God to bless the company and everyone in attendance. It was a heart felt sincere prayer and it stuck with me. At this moment I am wondering how many peope pray for us and we have no idea. I am wondering if people on the other side of the veil are praying for us.

Tomorrow I get to meet the the man that offered the prayer. I will get the chance to thank him. His name is Sergerio he works for the More Project a non profit in Brazil that takes kids off the streets and gives them peace and hope. I think I will offer up a prayer for Sergio so he can keep doing God's work.

Panic

2009-04-26T13:28:00.001-07:00

I have been reading a lot of things about people that are concerned about the economy. So many people are freaked out about losing a job, and maybe that is the case. Over the last year Emily lost her job and it was a challenge. We looked at it as a blessing and it turned out to be. She was out of a job for about 2 months which is not as long as some but I think we learned a few lessons.

1) Stay Calm and don't overreact. (we had a couple bad days but it was fine and the Lord blessed Emily with a lot of optimism.)
2)Work hard, Emily put our her resume over 100 times. It paid off and she has a great job now, that may let her work from home if we have a baby at a later date.
3)Serve: We had many chances to serve others because of the extra time
4) Enjoy life: We still went on dates and did the things we enjoy, and had a great time.

Sickness

2008-12-28T21:58:00.000-08:00

Devan's Take:

Emily and I went to see the doctor. I was just fine but she was sick. I hate dumb doctors. I did get to read a lot about Thomas Jefferson. I am reading a great book, called "American Sphinx." I would recommend it.

Emily's Take:

I'm so tired of being sick! I woke up this morning with yet ANOTHER sore throat. I swear I'm going to have strep for the rest of my life. It's like the third time in a month that I've needed to go to the doctor to get my throat swabbed. This time, I told the doctor that I wanted to get well and not have to go back again. She said, "Well, I hope this medicine works for you and you won't need to come back... not like we don't like seeing you or anything!" I thought, WHAT?! I believe there may be a conspiracy to make a person nearly better - not entirely better - at the Bountiful InstaCare! Well... okay, maybe not, but it really feels like that after visiting them three times in one month. It's a good thing I'm double-insured. We'd be bankrupt with all the health issues going on. OH and another thing! We went to Wal-Greens to get my antibiotic prescription filled. The pharmacy tech asked if I'd ever taken this medicine, and I said I didn't think so. She said, "Well you'll need to talk to the pharmacist then, because you have a penicillin allergy and this sometimes gets a reaction from people who are allergic to penicillin." So the pharmacist comes up and asks again if I've taken this medicine, and again I say I don't think so, and she says, "I see here in your chart that you filled a prescription in July for this same medicine. So I'll ask again, have you taken it before or not?" I was like, Holy crap woman, I'm sorry I don't remember which medication I was prescribed half a year ago, but I've had a whole TON of health issues since that time! So I said that, much more nicely. And she said, "Well... you HAVE had it filled before. So here it is," and didn't give me any pharmaceutical advice or anything. Like she didn't care or something! Wow, that was so rude and frustrating!
Sorry for the rant... I'm just tired of medicine and doctors and people who try to put a quick fix on something without delving in and really trying to figure it out. ARRGH!

Best things

2008-12-27T19:47:00.000-08:00

Devan's Take:

Today we had the chance to attend the temple together. As we attend the temple we feel closer together and feel more united. It is one of the essential truths of this world. If you serve others unity prevails. A major change in our marriage occurs when we try to put God first. It allows us to feel closer to each other.

Emily's Take:

How can I argue with anything Devan said? Not to say that's what my goal is... okay this started out on the wrong foot. Let's try again...
I feel Heavenly Father's love so much more powerfully in the temple than in any other place on earth. I am grateful that we live so close to a temple; and I am shamed that I do not attend more often. I hear about the people who live in more obscure places in the world, read about the Saints living in Uganda or Yugoslavia or parts of Brazil; they have to save money for weeks, months, sometimes years before they can start the long trek to a temple five hundred miles away - they may only attend once in their lives! And we have this beautiful temple (two, actually!) not ten minutes away from our home, and I can't find the time to attend? What's wrong with me?!
Wow okay that was a rant. Anyway, about today... What Devan said is 100% true. I feel closest not only to my Heavenly Father, but I feel drawn to Devan - to be a better wife and friend for him to whom I have been sealed for eternity. It's also true what you read in the Ensign magazine about the "love triangle" - a marriage consists of three persons: your spouse, you, and God. If one of these persons is not nurtured and loved, your marriage will suffer. I believe I gain a much more eternal perspective when I attend the temple, and I want to be a better person in the three-way triangle so our marriage is solid and unified.